Teacher of the Year

Yes, this is a real picture of two of my chemistry students lighting methane bubbles on fire, thereby producing a CLOUD OF FIRE which hovers briefly above their heads. (All closely monitored by yours truly, I assure you).

Sick...sick!...sic

So far, this semester has started off vastly different from the last. In fact, I’d say that the mathematical function that best represents my experience would be the exponential curve, which is a good thing. When I started I assumed that it would a linear function—that I would start off at a relatively high level and stay there, maybe something like (d/dx) 10x = 10*. What’s changed, you ask? For one, I now know what happens in a high school science classroom. Secondly, I am daily meditating on the light that’s at the end = my many breaks (2 spring breaks!). Just today in fact, I ordered the lonely planet guides to Iceland and Hawaii (summer and spring breaks respectively). Thirdly, I’ve been meditating on all of the awesome people I’ve met this year, and my friends who are teachers. Being in education is a lot like being back in high school in terms of the broad range of person you might encounter—there are some people who I respect very little, and then there are others for whom I have more respect than anyone else I’ve met in any other job. I’ve been lately focusing on the awesome people, like my mom, my friend’s parents (Peggy D. and the Bochansky’s), Rachel, Kendra and my mentor at the school who never ceases to amaze me with his liberalism and exciting outlook on life (he also taught me an awesome trick—lighting methane bubbles on fire!). Hopefully this youthful optimism is powerful enough to carry my through the dark last 8 weeks of school, during which there are NO breaks.

In other news, I got sick this week with some sort of bacterial throat infection (not strep) that morphed into possible mono/cold symptoms. I have absolutely no idea what’s happening with my body. I’ve been sicker over the past six months than I have ever before (probably because of the stress, granted). This fall I got food poisoning for the first time since I was ten, two colds, and had a britney-esque existential crisis. Now I have this new strange mix of ailments that is one in a long line of head-related problems (pink eye, ear clogs, poison oak (on my face), fungus, etc.). I guess it’s nothing a little cold-EEZE (and penicillin) can’t cure. On the plus side, being sick did give me the opportunity to watch the following films: Vacancy, Sicko, 28 Weeks Later, Waitress, Away From Her, Alpha Dog.

*I in no way stand behind this math.

Winter Break Accomplishments

1. Uploaded new pics to flickr

2. Saw movies (I am Legend, Atonement, Juno, The Savages, The Golden Compass, The Orphanage, Eastern Promises, The Big Lebowski, Bad(der) Santa)

3. Ate nachos for lunch 3 days in a row

4. Went to Safari West

5. Made felt Christmas stockings for next year

6. Read one book (Barrel Fever, David Sedaris)

7. Stayed in bed until noon on at least three occasions

8. Cleaned out Stumpy’s terrarium

9. Rug doctored the carpet

10. Talked on the phone

11. Contemplated new life plan/goals

12. Got amazing Vidal Sassoon haircut

13. Started a 2-week fiber “deep cleanse”

14. Restored a portion of my crushed (but mending) spirit

I have travelled through a wormhole, but now I am back

Hello blog! Long time, no see, or, it's been a while since I rapped at ya. My foray into teaching was a tad bit more time consuming than I originally thought. Silly me, envisioning myself waltzing out of work at 3:10 everyday, fancy free, only to pursue my interests and have some much deserved alone/contemplative time. Working in education is absolutely nothing like I imagined it to be and it’s (without exaggeration) the hardest job I’ve ever had. In order to put it in perspective, let's take a walk though the jobs I’ve held over the course of 14 illustrious working years:

grocery store bagger

general retail worker at the following locations: Natural Wonders, Robinson-May department store, plant store in Hyde Park

tutor (for $5 an hour!-in 1995)

film studies center helper

camp counselor

library assistant (maps collection, very rad)

sleep study participant

americorps volunteer

ESL teacher

typist/personal assistant/conversational partner for crazy lady

bookkeeper/personal assistant for sane lady

research assistant

house cleaner (for 2 weeks)

technician

The list is basically in chronological order, and went from hard to easy (with the exception of house cleaner, which was dehumanizing), but now I’m back to hard again! Why is this happening? Part of the difficulty of this career change has been in commuting, which I hate, and in the tedious and asinine education classes, which I have to attend for three hours, at night, twice a week, for two years. Let me tell you, No Child Left Behind is working! (if the goal was to drive all sane and educated people out of the field of teaching). I have to take more coursework for my teaching certificate, which is not even a degree, than I did for my masters. I’m swimming in a tank of insanity, and about the only thing keeping me afloat is the fact that these classes, though tedious, have absolutely no standards for the actual work.

What about the actual job, you say? Well, the jury’s still out on that one. I think I was slightly handicapped going into this job by the fact that I literally did not have a one day break in between my old job and my new job--so this semester started off sub par. Nonetheless, some truly awful things happen at high schools across the nation that I was certainly never aware of.

My personal highlight reel might include:

An awful parent-teacher conference during which my moral compass and basic integrity were questioned, thus leading me to a mild breakdown in the middle of the school day.

A student singing a song of hatred devoted to me as we walked outside to do a lab that I spent many, many precious hours preparing for.

Students telling me that I was the reason they do not understand the material. As opposed to, say, the fact that they do no work.

Many classroom explosions and acts of defiance.

The horribly designed teacher bathrooms that open directly from the campus into the toilet stall, which I was using one day when another teacher walked in on me, thus exposing my serene toilet time to the entire school campus (like some sort of nightmare!).

Crying in front of all administrators and every teacher within three classrooms of me (on multiple occasions).

Having to literally walk out of the classroom in order to avoid crying in front of a class (my tear ducts have been exercised more than ever lately, and I’m happy to say they’re in good health!).

But, along with the bad, there is some good:

I adopted an awesome turtle, Stumpy, from the school. He will apparently live between 30-150 years.

I’ve learned a lot about astronomy, which I enjoy immensely. I even had reason to purchase Farscape and Contact for classroom use! (for my “fun” lesson on wormholes!)

I “made” a comet, which was pretty awesome.

I finally learned the difference between a meteorite, meteoroid, and meteor.

I finally understand moles!

My faith in humanity, though tested, still remains remarkably strong! There are some future sociopaths in my classes, but then there are some kids who show a deep well of compassion and humanity. They are sort of like lighthouses, though—they can show wonderful aspects of adulthood followed by a rapid return to the uncompassionate child they’re growing out of. Adolescence is so intense (and ugly)!

Sometimes they say truly amazing things, like “If I farted into a bag and then threw it at the sun, would the sun explode?”, or spend 10 minutes (granted, not stopped by me) suggesting films suitable for classroom viewing, like “half baked”, “transformers”, “the core”.

Seeing a Zac Efron folder being used in real life.

Having students (maybe?) understand something new.

And finally, the winter break, which has been pretty awesome. I haven’t had a break where I didn’t have to worry about work for a long time, and let me tell you that it feels SO different and good to know that I do not even have an obligation to check my e-mail. I can already tell that this summer is going to be off da hook!