deal with the devil

I have exactly 17 more days during which I have to work and then it is maternity leave time! Nine of those days occur in the next two weeks and 8 of them are in January. (Side note: I am trying not to think about what my maternity leave would look like in Norway (long and fully paid), because it just makes me sad and angsty. CA is the best state in which to give birth, in terms of financial benefits, but it is still not right.) It is moving so much faster than it did with Theo, but that is the paradox of getting older, is it not?

There is so much to do, both workwise and outside of work, and all I really want to do is walk downtown with Theo every day and ride the train (and eat corn in a cup).

I have decided that I will re-read some Cornel West (Race Matters for sure) during maternity leave, along with some academic feminist thought (haven’t figured out who yet). I will also scour David Simon’s blog. Sometimes I feel so passionately about race/gender issues in the US and really need rational, intelligent thought to guide me through my emotional haze.

In other, related news, it is really hard to get out of your corporate America, capitalist-consumerism lifestyle, I tell you. (Especially when you were reared in such an existence) I think I might need some years in the woods to clear my head of all the muck. I signed up for a $5 Walmart baby box that comes every three months with samples of age-appropriate products from different companies (and coupons). What even is this that I did? I got really excited about getting a recurring shipment, though it is clearly just a marketing campaign run by…Walmart. I just don’t know who I am anymore. (I remember spending very little money during my last maternity leave, because I was too tired and obsessed with the baby. New 2015 maternity goal: repeat thriftiness)

In cute news, Theo has added casual lap-sitting to his repertoire of affection (he currently practices hugging/hand holding with his classmates)! I do not want to discourage all of this physical closeness that he seeks with his peers, but he is definitely his own person, not constrained by social norms. (...which I want him to be. As much as our culture is messed up with regard to women’s issues (and money, education, “power”, race and community as well (but who’s counting)), it is also hard to be a caring, different boy). He just plops down into available laps.