blogalicious: Goodnight Fire

Arms full o’ babies

Well, here we are—the first day of July, and deep in the midst of my self-identified “Max Fischer summer”, where I’m going deep into projects with three different organizations on the following topics: black holes, architecture and climate change. I am technically still on maternity leave. So much has happened in our country and world since last I blogged. I have not the energy to put forth my many rants about all of it, but you can probably guess where I stand. I’m glad racism and the confederate flag are (somewhat) national conversations. I wish the lunacy of gun ownership were there too. I am elated at the triumph of decency and equality with the SCOTUS. I am bewildered and disgusted by about half of this country that, unsurprisingly, seems to be filled with piss and vinegar about the whole thing under the guise of “religion” or “states rights” or some other BS that was EXACTLY the same rationale for slavery. We never learn, do we?

In rant-worthy news that just became clear to me within the last month—homeownership is the biggest farce I’ve ever seen—an institution that rewards those with money and privilege and leaves everyone else in the dust. My coworker, who just bought a house, was telling me all about it. Before becoming a homeowner, her family had to pay upwards of 10K in taxes each year. After owning a house, they got 8K in refunds! Then, because interest rates lowered, and they refinanced, she got a check in the mail for 5K! Can you imagine! Just by owning a home, her liquid assets increased by 23K a year. Money that can now be used to invest, or buy another home that can be income-generating. Basically, you get into the home owning business, and then you have the capital and equity to continue investing and generating more capital (and bigger houses). The privilege in the system, as far as I can tell, comes from the fact that I know not one person, except my brother, who has bought a home without help from their family—the propagation of generational wealth. I don’t know what I’m more dismayed about—that the bootstraps/American dream is a total fantasy, or that our government has been so bent and twisted to the beneficiaries of neoliberal capitalism that poor people don’t have a chance. Total write-offs for home loan interest, but only 5K in credit for childcare (which is going to cost us about 20K this year)? It’s infuriating, to say the least. Maybe if we buy a house and I become a stay at home mom, we’ll be better off, financially, than with both of us working! Except, that I want to work and I want the choice to work to be available for all people. In my babycenter birth month group, the two considerations that are always mentioned when deciding if/when to go back to work are: the fact that money is tight and maternity leave is not paid and the high cost of childcare, which may be more than one partner is earning. That is insane! It’s insane because those considerations don’t even exist in civilized capitalism—state subsidized childcare and paid maternity leave mean that women get to choose whether or not to go back to work based on self-fulfillment and have the chance to be self-actualized people. We live in a country where self-actualization is only possible for a small subset of our population! Maslow would be appalled that we’re all still hanging out at the bottom of the pyramid, trying to make sure our most basic of needs are met because it’s “too expensive” to provide benefits to families who are producing the next generation of cogs for American capitalism, yet not “too expensive” to give tax write-offs for houses. I literally have to quiet my mind about things like this every morning by telling myself to just hold my babies and enjoy our family time. I guess I’m part of the problem—the masses kept at bay. The dystopic future is now, the hunger games are coming, etc. END RANT.

OK THEN. I turned 38 in June, on Bloomsday. I realized that if you round to one sig fig, then I am 40! But then I remembered that birthdays have infinite sig figs, so I’m still just 38. The concept of infinite sig figs makes total sense from a computational standpoint, but is still weird to me. I think it should just be like, “doesn’t matter” or “don’t consider” rather than infinite, but who am I to suggest the current terminology is confusing?

Children update:

Theo and I have been reading Goodnight Moon for the past week, and two things of note have arisen from this: At the end of the book, Theo says, “Goodnight fire”—an acknowledgment that seems like pure genius to me. It IS one of the only things not identified in the picture through the text. He focuses on it because it is bright, so he mentions it, thereby giving it equal weight to the mush and the old lady. Along these lines, he has pointed out the fire on the front of the book is smaller than the fire in the book, which is also something that is totally true, given the difference in perspective between the pictures. It is not something I have ever thought about, but Theo wants to talk about it—how the fire “went down” on the front of the book. In short, it is clear that his brain is different and wonderful.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately—ever since I read this article on the “rage to master” that is present in people that we consider gifted. The kids who are singularly focused on something they’re passionate about. Theo’s singular passion is trains. They consume his life. His is 3, and builds large tracks that connect big pieces and can play for hours by himself. This interest extends to the real world, where he understands the mechanics of train operation (water for steam engines, bar going down, lights coming on…). This interest also extends to his imaginary world (at the swimming pool, he takes the pool noodles and pushes them around the perimeter as trains. They even encounter imaginary train bars and other obstacles). On the other side of the coin, intense interests are treated as abnormalities and a key indicator of autism. I think having a kid makes you realize that “neurotypical” is bullshit. As a society, we are in awe of people like Einstein, whose intelligence is off-the-charts, but who was awkward and cruelly abandoned his first wife and children (so of questionable morality). If Einstein had not found his outlet and a way to express his brain’s wiring (or if we had deemed his interests not important), then we’d just label him a weirdo/prime candidate for paternity court. We don’t know who Theo will be at this point, but he’s funny, loving and has passion (for bees, numbers and trains so far), and he is also a little socially awkward. In short, a complex human, I guess.

Charlie giggles uncontrollably when his clothes are changed. He is also an intensely aware/present child who sleeps less than his brother, a trait that is worrisome, as we are a family of sleepers. He’s going to have to get used to having some alone time if he does not share this trait. Speaking of sleeping, I was listening to a scientist speak about it and he said that it is evolutionary advantageous to have both morning and night people in a population—that way there are only about 4 hours/day that your population is vulnerable to attack! I feel like Charlie really completes our family unit defense system.