description of measures taken against fleas

The apple of my eye, Miss Pumpkin “fleabag” Pruett has been stricken of late with a pesky case of the skin critters. This is a much better condition than her previous ailment, kidney failure, in many, many ways (such as money, time and personal grief). It remains, however, a matter of much perplexity. How does one get rid of fleas? When I first saw the tiny worms moving under her fur I rushed to the pet general store and picked out a flea shampoo and some sort of elixir that was to be rubbed into her neck.

When I got home I gave pumpkin her first ever person-administered bath. It was nearly murderous for the both of us, with much crying, howling and clawing. Somehow I managed to keep her down and lubed up for five minutes, as per the shampoo bottle instructions. When it came time for the rinse, the bathtub filled with red, diluted blood, that I came to understand was flea poop (which is the dried blood of their prey). After about an hour she was willing to let me inspect for fleas and it looked good, or at least hopeful. I found a few carcasses and most of the peppery poop was gone. I repeated the bathing ritual every few days for several weeks. I then stopped the bathing only to learn that I was getting her clean, but I wasn’t killing the fleas. I decided to pull out the chemical elixir and rub it on her back. This did nothing except give her a short-lived life purpose (lick it all off).

I went back to the pet supply center to try the flea comb and the flea collar. Whilst in the store, a friendly employee persuaded me to buy a special “all natural flea spray” and the most expensive cat food on the shelf (under the auspices of it containing garlic, which fleas hate). She also happened to have a roll of manufacturers coupons which would save me two dollars! At the time it seemed like a good idea, but when I got the bag home, garlic was not listed anywhere on the ingredient label! I really AM the average consumer! Never again will I think myself savvy about consumer trickery and money. How did that happen?

The first product I tried was the comb. I managed to comb out 10 fleas which I then dumped into a bowl of water, so it’s the most successful flea killer so far! I then tried the spray. I’m not sure it worked, but the first ingredient in the spray is cinnamon! It may not kill fleas, but now pumpkin smells like a brisk autumn day at grandma’s house (or Christmas, or an oven full of pumpkin pie). It’s marvelous!

The real point of the tedious story is that I apparently have fleas now too. I started out as just a few bites around my ankles. For the past two nights, however, I have awakened in a scratching frenzy. They’re up to my knees now and the migration will surely continue, but I’m only mildly inspired to do anything about it. I mean, clean the sheets and vacuum? That’s not (this) lady’s work.